Darkness. A deep, male voice, belonging to Antonio, lets out a spell of deviant laughter, which is soon joined by a more hesitant, shy female laugh, belonging to Morgan. Pause. A few slow creaking noises. Then a burst of more laughter, the female is being tickled. “Stop they’ll hear us” etc. is heard in the background. Antonio growls. Morgan squeals. Then:

MORGAN

Wait. Something’s not quite right.

ANTONIO

Everything is perfect. You are here. I am here. I’m ready. You know, you get lucky when preparation meets opportunity.

MORGAN

You are disgusting.

ANTONIO

I know.

MORGAN

There is something I need to talk to you about. It’s about us...

ANTONIO

Scene One

The stage space is separated into two opposing worlds. Stage right we see the interior of Patrick’s apartment, fully detailed and approaching “theatrical realism” until it reaches center stage, where it fades into the stage left side, where there is no scenery, just the stage floor, with the exception of Antonio’s simple wooden chair. A semi-plain couch sits center stage between the two environments.

Patrick sits stage right at his desk. Morgan sits on the couch. Antonio is seen sitting, relaxed, but not slumped in his chair stage left.

Morgan has just come down from her upstairs apartment to talk to Patrick who had previously been working, editing his writing. He has stopped for a moment, put his work aside, and Morgan and Patrick have gone into their routine: coffee, confessions and insults. Morgan has made herself comfortable, and Patrick is eagerly waiting to hear what she has to say. She looks at Patrick, and then she looks at Antonio and begins.

MORGAN

Something with him is just not quite right. Well, no, it’s not him. But it’s definitely not me. It’s not working out. It was going alright at first and then, well he... well, now it just seems really complicated.

PATRICK

Have you told him yet? (Nothing.) No? Ok. Well are you still screwing him?

MORGAN

What does that have to do with the issue Patrick?

PATRICK

Are you?

MORGAN

Have you ever considered that it might be rude to ask a lady about her deep, personal experiences?

PATRICK

So now you are a lady.

MORGAN

Patrick, don’t underestimate me. I can be quite the lady when given the opportunity.

PATRICK

I bet.

MORGAN

That’s right.

PATRICK

But not deep or personal. (She gives him a look.) So are you letting him hit that or... letting him hit that?

MORGAN

Why? (Patrick begins to fumble with his papers.)

PATRICK

Answer.

MORGAN

No! A little. Well, no, not for at least a week... I’ve been making excuses. I don’t see what difference it makes if I was doing him or not. I mean either way this is mostly his fault... Do you know what he said to me...? (Lights up on Antonio, who interrupts. Patrick does not appear to hear or see him)

ANTONIO

So. Come here. (Morgan looks at him and is suddenly in his world. Her tone changes to something much harder as she speaks)

MORGAN

No.

ANTONIO

Why not?

MORGAN

I’m fine right here.

ANTONIO

Is it something I said?

MORGAN

No.

ANTONIO

Is it something I did?

MORGAN

No.

ANTONIO

Well come here.

MORGAN

Nope.

ANTONIO

What’s wrong with you?

MORGAN

I’m fine right here.

ANTONIO

You don’t look fine.

MORGAN

I’m tired is all.

ANTONIO

Me too.

MORGAN

Really? From what?

ANTONIO

Working.

MORGAN

Right.

ANTONIO

So. Now... I need you. To love me.

MORGAN

Because it will make you less tired?

ANTONIO

Because I need you.

MORGAN

In a minute.

ANTONIO

What’s wrong with you? (No answer. He slumps in his chair.)

PATRICK

Morgan. Stop. (Beat. She comes back to him. He puts down his pencil.) If you are screwing him, why are you wasting my time with this? You know what I am saying? Yea. You know what I am saying.

MORGAN

Patrick. Listen. Let me just explain it to you.

PATRICK

Oh, please do!

MORGAN

You’re being such a prick.

PATRICK

Morgan, go ahead.

MORGAN

Don’t treat me like I am an idiot.

PATRICK

I’m not treating you like an idiot. I am treating you like my friend: Morgan, who came over here and interrupted my progress to confess all her damn sins or something, but then ended up insulting me the whole time and changing the damn subject. Alright. Tell your story Morg. (Nothing.) Hey, look this is me trying to help. (She has looked away towards Antonio.)

MORGAN

Oh. I’m sorry. I’m doing it again, aren’t I?

PATRICK

Oh Jesus and Joseph. What, Morgan? What are you doing again?

MORGAN

You know what? Forget it. If you are gonna have that attitude about it, maybe I should just go home. I want to go home.

 ANTONIO

Don’t. Stay.

MORGAN

(She starts for her things, then instantly is right back.)You know, I come over here to talk to you because sometimes, on your good days... I feel part of your brain computes what I’m saying. But sometimes –and when I say sometimes I mean... right about now -- you start acting like him and thinking with your prick! (Antonio sits up straight)

ANTONIO

(Slowly, then gradually picking up speed and intensity) Morgan. What’s wrong with you? (Pause. She looks at him.) What is wrong with you? What’s wrong? (Pause) You? With you? What’s wrong? What’s wrong with you? What is your problem? You know something. You know something? You wanna know? (Pause) Happiness, is just a state of mind baby girl. You know. Happiness is not a reward --it is a consequence. Suffering is not a punishment --it is a result. Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. It takes about point two muscles to smile, about a 150 million to frown. What’s your problem? What’s your problem? It’s simple. It’s a simple problem. We can be happy. Be easy baby girl. Relax. You! Yea, You. Me? (No.) You. What’s wrong? (Antonio freezes as if screaming as Patrick speaks)

PATRICK

Sit down. I’m sorry. Morgan, I’m not the enemy. (She stares back at him, still standing.)

ANTONIO

Something is not right Morgan. (He stares at her awaiting a response)

PATRICK

It’s just that you came over here freaking out and I just have alot of work to do, I mean my mind is in alot of different places. I mean you do realize you are freaking out, right Morgan? So I am sorry if this is really bothering you; I didn’t mean to make you any more upset...

MORGAN

You all never do. Do you?

PATRICK

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

MORGAN

I mean, he probably doesn’t mean to be the prick that he is either...

ANTONIO

Come here, please.

PATRICK

My God, Morgan, stop saying “prick”!

MORGAN

Excuse me. I’m sorry I can’t help it. It is the absolute best way to describe a penis. Prrrrrrrrick prick PRICK! (She laughs at the ridiculousness of the word and sings it softly, taunting him with it)

ANTONIO

What did you call me?

MORGAN

Prick!

ANTONIO

I am not the enemy. (Morgan continues the prick song, Antonio sticks his fingers in his ears)

PATRICK

Eww. Morgan, it’s gross. Cut it out. (She continues. She is wild.) Morgan? Stop it. What is this “liberating” you or something? You want me to start saying it too? Fine. (He sings along with her)

MORGAN

No no. See you can’t say it. Not like me.

PATRICK

Why the hell not? (He continues to sing the “prick song” but it becomes harder and slower. Morgan stops him.)

MORGAN

Because prick means you. You and him.  (Antonio stands, offended) I had faith in you though, I mean I guess I thought I would come over here and you would make it all better or funnier or something. Why do I even bother?

PATRICK

Why do you bother with what?

MORGAN

Damn you Pat!

PATRICK

What? Me? Wait a minute,

PATRICK and ANTONIO

What is wrong with you?

MORGAN

What’s wrong with me? Why are you being an ass Patrick?

PATRICK

Morgan, I am trying to help!  That is not fair. Shit, what is the problem?

MORGAN

You made me get like this! (She charges at Patrick) Why did you let me get like this! When did I get like this! When... (She runs out of steam as Patrick rushes into her and takes her in his arms. She is comfortable for a moment, then slowly guides Patrick’s arms down and walks over the edge of the stage.) Dammit! You know, for me, he used to be enough. The simplicity of the two of us... We were just so basic. So what if the best time that Antonio and I spent together was when we were having sex... I mean that’s how it should be, right? Ok really Pat, who cares if we have long boring conversations about life with each other, sitting there contemplating things that are never gonna be resolved in our lifetime, things that won’t matter when we all are dead in our graves! (Antonio comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her. He caresses her.) I like sex Patrick. I like it alot. And if I close my eyes and feel him all over and all around and inside, it makes me feel, it gives me life. Just like love. Isn’t that funny? We should just screw our brains out and then we won’t have to worry about thinking, just feeling... Don’t get me wrong, thinking is great and all, but we could all just have sex and make babies and leave something in this world. You following me? Something concrete that lives, and that breathes. I have dreams Patrick, of babies and tiny little hands clutching to my fingers, clutching me, never letting go. Needing me. That’s not so bad. I could live that life. Patrick, I could do that. I mean can we not be satisfied with ourselves until we accomplish something impossible? Antonio has probably got it exactly right... we should just stick to the basics. Forget that complicated love. Just: sex.

ANTONIO

So now you want to? (She pulls loose of him)

MORGAN

Maybe this isn’t working out because I am thinking about it too much. Does that happen to you?

PATRICK

What?

MORGAN

Thinking too much.

PATRICK

No way. (Beat.) I mean come on, I’m way too busy. I have my job. I have to... well, go grocery shopping. I have you. Lot’s of stuff to do...

MORGAN

You have me huh?

PATRICK

Yep. Well you do come up here everyday... You’re a part of my routine.

MORGAN

I see.

PATRICK

I mean... a good part.

MORGAN

I see. So what if I didn’t come up anymore?

PATRICK

I would see you on the street. Or in the hall. I could spy on you, you know. I know where you live...

MORGAN

What if I moved?

PATRICK

What is your point?

MORGAN

Do you need me Patrick?

ANTONIO

You are so sexy.

PATRICK

What do you mean, “need”?

ANTONIO

Come and love me. I need you to.

MORGAN

Stop it! What does anyone ever mean--?

PATRICK

Yea.

MORGAN

Yea?

PATRICK

Of course.

MORGAN

Of course?

PATRICK

That’s what I said.

MORGAN

Ok. How?

PATRICK

How what Morgan? I thought we were supposed to be talking about you, and Antonio—

MORGAN

Answer the question.

ANTONIO

Relax.

PATRICK

How WHAT?!

MORGAN

How do you need me!?

PATRICK

Like I need the sun. Morgan! What is the deal with you today! I need you like I need... skin. Ok? You may be the best friend I have had in a long time. And you are beautiful. Okay? But I think this whole situation, and this guy... He’s really disrupted you. Look I’m sorry Morg. I’m really sorry you have to deal with his shit. But you want to know how I really need you?  I need you to be stronger. Cause like this...

MORGAN

You think I’m beautiful?

PATRICK

As a blood red sunset. (He laughs.) Did you hear anything I just said?

MORGAN

Something about me being beautiful?

PATRICK

That. Yes.  And how I wish you would just cut things off with that degenerate so that our encounters could go back to being slightly more pleasant.

MORGAN

We have good times don’t we?

PATRICK

Morgan, if you came down here to flirt with me, I have alot of things to do. I will be happy to flirt tomorrow after my writing is finished.

MORGAN

Testy. Testy. When are you ever going to let me see that writing of yours anyway? It must be juicy.

PATRICK

When it’s done.

MORGAN

Ok fine. You are so mysterious. You never share your work, your feelings.

ANTONIO

Morgan? (She looks at him.)

PATRICK

Morgan!

MORGAN

Yes? (He pauses. She smiles at Patrick, enticing him to make the next move.)

PATRICK

Morgan, why don’t you tell me what’s going on.

MORGAN

I’m trying to! That’s why I came down here. To get your advice...

PATRICK

Ohhhh. Ladies and gentlemen, step right up to the Patrick super-duper advice machine! For only five flimsy dollars, Patrick will spend two whole hours telling you your future, and making you coffee!

MORGAN

Ugh.

PATRICK

Please insert money into Patrick’s boxer shorts to make all your dreams come true! Large bills are accepted, but out of all the things Patrick can do with what’s inside his boxers ladies, making change is not one of them.

MORGAN

And I was just starting to think you were getting de-prick-i-fied.

PATRICK

That sounds painful...

MORGAN

Shut up and listen!

PATRICK

Ok, ok. I am gonna be a good boy now. Sit down. Check. Listen. Check. Go ahead.

MORGAN

Ok. (Beat.) Damn! Well, now I don’t know what to say.  Ok. There is him. And there is me.  He is just not what I expected. There isn’t anything--I dunno alive maybe--there is nothing significant about him. Significant is not the word I mean....Creative, you know? There is nothing creative about him. (She is dissatisfied.) Original? No, hell...he is original all right. (She looks at Antonio who has put his hand down his pants) Heh. Ok, look. Over there. (The opposite direction.)See that chair?

PATRICK

The chair? (She impatiently motions to him to look at it.) Ok fine I see the damn chair.

MORGAN

Good. Now, you see the one over there; see how it’s all plain, and boring, and necessary? Pretty useful, everyday and, and purposeful?

PATRICK

It’s a chair.

MORGAN

Exactly! And see that one... someone designed that chair. Someone conceived that chair in their mind and felt the texture of that wood against their hands as they carefully crafted it; there was a someone, who made that chair, who wanted us to enjoy it. He would never make that chair.

PATRICK

Utilitarian.

MORGAN

Sure. Fine.

ANTONIO

Relax baby girl. Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.

MORGAN

(To Patrick)You always say such smart things. I waste an hour with words, and then you simply just say your one smart thing and it’s all over.

PATRICK

Sorry.

MORGAN

Nope. Really, it’s fine Patrick. I think it’s cute.

PATRICK

Oh, sure you do. Please don’t go all “I’m-on-the-rebound-hitting-on-all-my-friends” with me.

MORGAN

Do you see what I mean, the whole chair thing? Antonio is just so simple. It’s like love and wood...

PATRICK

I don’t even want to know what those two have to do with each other.

MORGAN

I mean that’s what he is good for. He really likes to work with his hands. Bang a hammer. Bang at me. But he could never build that chair.

PATRICK

I don’t even know if I would build that chair.

MORGAN

Patrick. I think your chair would be far more complicated. Cause you are far more complicated. He should be more like you.

PATRICK

More like me? Me?

MORGAN

Yea. I mean, you should be like each other. You two together would be the man of my dreams...

ANTONIO

What are you thinking about?

           PATRICK                                                                   MORGAN

              Why should I be like him?                                          ...the two of you would be perfect...

MORGAN
Well, you know. More... I don’t know... well you know he is just more... aggressive—no you are aggressive...in your way...

                       PATRICK                                                                            MORGAN

                    Completely nuts?                                                                  ...demanding...

 

ANTONIO

You can tell me.

MORGAN

I’m ok.

PATRICK

Huh?

ANTONIO

Morgan, Relax. Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.

MORGAN

Hold on. Sexual. That’s it! He is more sexual. You and I have a great relationship: mentally, emotionally, you know all those good things. And he does all the umm, physical stuff... (She is on a roll) not that you aren’t physical, he is just all physical. You know what I mean?

PATRICK

This is disgusting.

MORGAN

But really, Pat. If you two had a little of one another in you...

PATRICK                                                                       MORGAN

I don’t want anything of him in me...                  You would be perfect. Absolutely perfect.

PATRICK

So what are you gonna do Morgan? Date the both of us? Which one of us is better Morgan?

MORGAN

What do you mean “which”?

PATRICK

Say I was more of a sex monster and he was the friendly neighbor who gives you advice and pats you on the shoulder all the time... would you want to date me then? Or him?

MORGAN

What are you getting at?

MORGAN

What do you mean, “win” Patrick?

PATRICK